Me__

growl

2007-02-07T07:12:49Z

Frustration..

I can feel it swelling up inside.

It won't go away.
-------------------------------------

I love this fucking song.

School is great. I adore it.

<3

_P

Yay, fun.

2007-01-30T23:43:10Z

Corona, Heineken or Budweiser: Don't really like beer but Heineken is the best.

Flowers, Candy, or Cards: Candy

Beer, Wine, or Mixed Drink: Wine

Early to bed, Early to rise, Late to Rise: Late to Rise

Football, Basketball, or Baseball? Football

Internet, Radio, or TV: Internet

Kiss, Hand Holding, or Hugs: Kiss

Buy, Borrow, or Lease: Buy

Ford, Chevy, or Dodge: uhh, Jeep?

Cheese Burger, Pizza, or Salad: Salad

Car, SUV, or Mini-Van: Car

Email, Telephone, or Letter: Telephone

California, New York, or Florida: Never been to New York, so Florida as of now.

Private, Public, or Semi-Private: Private

Kisses on the Neck, Stomach, or Ears: Neck

Morning, Afternoon, or Night: Night

Animal House, American Pie, or Old School: Animal House

Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, or Mandy Moore: Mandy Moore

Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Halloween: Christmas

Coke, Pepsi, or Sprite: Sprite

Dogs, Cats, or Hamsters: Dogs

Friends, Lovers, or Enemies: Friends

Jr. High, High School, or College: College

Beach, Mountains, or Desert: Mountains

Cookies, Cake, or Brownies: Brownies

March, July, or October: October

Breakfast, Lunch, or Dinner: Breakfast

Giver, Sharer, or Keeper: Sharer

Eyes, Nose, or Mouth: Mouth

I love this kind of stuff.

<3P

Tagged by Sirena-rena

2006-05-24T02:04:35Z

My 6 simple pleasures in life depict of:

1) Art art art
2) Anime out the wazoo, I'm really obsessed with the stuff
3) Video Games
4) Hanging out with my family
5) Candy
6) Laughing with friends

Six facts about me depict of: <---is that proper English? xD

1) Sometimes I love being by myself
2) I hope to make it out there in the world
3) I miss my friends
4) I am both excited and scared about college
5) I absolutely love to eat <3
6) I want to have a massive DDR fest right now

I'll be tagging:
1) mea_panda
2) mythicinsanity
3) sixpinkwhiskers
4) yamicrystalline
5) flamingcherry
6) jonathandavisjr

Lame answers but oh well. xD

I didn't really understand what they wanted in the second part. *shrug*

Lovelovelovelove

P

"So nice, life would be so nice"

2006-05-23T02:27:24Z

Officially done with high school. Feels really good. I didn't walk but I was kind of glad I didn't. We tried going to the graduation here but it was so crowded and there was no where to sit. It was insane. So since none of us wanted to stand for 2 hours we left.

I'm sad I didn't get to say goodbye to those people, but whatever. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

We were walking back to the car and I saw my English teacher Mr. Pontius outside and asked me if I wanted to get my diploma early. It was so awesome. So I was the first to get it. Mr. Pontius is the coolest teacher ever. He was so nice to me for the time that I was there. He said I was "a present from New Orleans". He's so incredibly nice. I love meeting people like that. They just make you smile and so happy that you had the chance to know them.

Oh yeah, my application to SCAD is all done and now i just have to wait. Damn I hope I get in.

Well, I feel pretty good right now. Not having much to worry about is really nice. Just having a completely clean slate and starting brand new.

Good feeling.

I miss having friends though. I'm hoping to get some of those soon. Major suckage..

Peace guys.

+P

digital_tea @ 2005-09-18T17:14:00

2005-09-18T21:19:10Z

I think today was the most normal day I've had in a while. Everyone was in a really good mood and everything seemed okay. I mean, not much happened, but yeah. My dad got me a new printer and my mom picked up a whole bunch of stuff at the store for me as well. It's kind of fun getting all new stuff. x3 I played outside today too, which is something I don't usually do. xD

How're you guys doing?

I'm just giving you guys an update.

Oh man, this asshole on deviantart was claiming a picture of mine as his own. Ahh, it made me so mad.

See-ya.

[x\Paulina]

Happy Easter

2005-03-27T20:25:29Z

Friends only now :D

2004-10-17T23:22:01Z

That's right! Friends only now. Woo, finally putting this up. I'm tired of stupid people reading my journals.

If anyone would like to be on my friends list though, just comment to be added. :D

[♥]Paulina

"I'd scream this song, right in your face if you were here..."

2004-10-17T06:29:14Z

So bored..

Got a gmail account. I don't know if anyone else has one. Just letting you know.

Digitaltea@gmail.com

That's me.

Your beauty is all your own! You don't like to be
the same as everyone else and find that being
unique makes you more attractive. The normal
trends just don't fit you and things are just
more fun when they're upside down. You love to
be the one that turns heads with individuality
and spunkiness. You're kind of beauty, I would
say, could be characterized by your confidence.
Though it's not a physical trait, it
deffinately shows on you. Rock on!(If you can't
see tje pics, go to my homepage and look near
the bottom and find your result)

What kind of Beauty should you have? (girl) (PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

Random quiz.

Woo.

I feel like eating something.

Ugh, I wanna cuddle with someone. That'd be so awesome. Just feeling someone else's body heat next to mine would be great. I'm so cold. My legs are gonna freeze off. Damn skirt.

Lmao, why the fuck do I update.

[♥]Paulina

"Something is pulling me...I feel the gravity.....of it all.."

2004-10-17T04:59:10Z

Today I did absolutely nothing. Mostly sleep. Slept the day away. My life is so boring. My gosh. Pretty much just walked around my house and periodically sat all day. I got a call from Sirena earlier today. That was cool. Hyper band people. xD How I love them so! Today was my Uncle's birthday. We made him a cake and we had a big dinner. It was really good.

Oh yay, Inuyasha's on. Time to get distracted.

Okay, undistracted now.

I'm so lonely. Everything around me seems to do with love and relationships. It's like someone's laughing at me and my pathetic position. I'm just going to give up and forget.. That's my best choice at the moment. I'm tired of these empty feelings.. They evidentally mean nothing.

I hope I can do something tomorrow. My cousin's suppose to come pick me up, but I doubt that'll happen. Probably get forgotten again. Heh, go figure.

My family seems so on edge right now. Everyone screams and fights so easily. It's horrible.

Well, I talked to a friend of mine last night that I haven't talked to in over a year. He's a friend of my brother's whom I became good friends with. After his dad died, he changed so much. His personality flipped. I tried to comfort him and console him and he just wouldn't take it from me. I understood that he had gone through a lot and that I was probably just bothering him. So I stopped talking to him. I thought he was mad at me. But he IMed me last night and I told him what I thought. He laughed about it, apologized for anything that he did, and we just talked it out for a while. I always have such intelligent conversations with him. He's a good guy. I'm glad I fixed things between him and I. I hate when I'm on bad terms with friends.

Anyway, I wrote too much pointlessness again. That no one will read. Lol

Night night. I love you all so much. Sweet dreams. ^^

[♥]Paulina

"Almost loved you, I almost wished you would've loved me too.."

2004-10-16T03:32:10Z

Ending up going to the football game. And yes, I went alone. Wow, I'm just so cool and popular...*lmao* My dad dropped me off right as it was starting. Looked around for anyone to sit by. Couldn't find anyone so I sat by myself. I felt so alone. Almost cried. Lol, god I'm a baby. Anyway, after a little while this gigantic, stinking, sweaty black man came and sat next to me. Oh my gosh, it was horrible!!! I was crushed up against the side of the bar and couldn't move. He had bad breath and he kept screaming in my ear. Thank god he moved eventually. *shudders* Sat around and said hi to people passing. Most didn't acknowledge me, but others did. My dad and little brother showed up after a while. My dad really got into the game. It was so funny. xD He was screaming and stuff. Half time show was AWESOME! You guys were so great! :D Stanislaus sucked balls. xDD I mean, my cousin's in the band, but my god. Horrible. You guys were so much better. xD Sirena came and found me after half time and we ran to get food. Mmmmm, food. Got tackled and hugged by Lisa. Goof. xP Then I saw my cousin. Gave him a hug and said hey and such. I'm probably gonna go hang out with him on Sunday. Meet all his little stanislaus buddies. xD Anyway, Sirena got food and we went back over to where the band sits. Talked and bothered people. Gave everybody hugs. Weeeee, then couldn't think of a good insult to call Jarred. xD Damn I gotta work on that. Left, found my dad, watched for a little while longer, then left. I saw Luca's mom and Chris' little sister on the way out. Whoa, what a blast of nostaligia that was. I think Chris' sister hates me. xD She was just glaring at me until I gave her a big smile. She smiled though. I don't know why she would hate me. I stook up for her when Chris was mean to her. Gosh was he mean to her. I would get so mad at him. *sigh* Chris is such an ass.. Anyway, walked to my dad's truck. It was freezing and I hade to pee really badly.(and yes, you guys needed to know that!) xD Sang Beatles on the way home. My dad said I sang really good. My dad can really really sing, so that came as a big compliment to me. My dad's been so nice to me lately. I've been sorta gloomy and depressed the last few days and he actually asked me what's wrong. My mom on the other hand...Lol, we're not gonna get into that...

Anyway, yeah that was my night. Regardless of how fun it was, I still had that feeling of emptyness inside. Something's definately missing. I feel incomplete... I need something to fill that void..

I still hate my feelings. I'm confused on what the fuck to do with them.. Should I keep them..? Should I just forget..? They feel worthless at this point... I'm tired of hurting inside all the time. I don't know what to do...or what I will do. I'm just going to wait it out I suppose.. *sigh*

I'm really sorry. I'm whining too much again. I need to keep this to myself. I'm sorry..

I love you all so much! Sweet dreams and sleep tight to all. *pick up hugs and kisses here* :]

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I’ll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all open and I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn’t cut it
Almost had you
And I didn’t even know it

You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
And I almost had you

I almost wish you would’ve loved me too

Bowling for Soup- Almost

Emery!! Damn you!! You got me hooked on this song. xDD

[♥]Paulina

"What're we coming to.....what're we gonna do.."

2004-10-15T21:20:43Z

I hate my feelings. I want to just tear them out of my chest. They hurt so much..

Might go to the game later. I hope I can. I have no one to go with though. Figures. I might just get my dad to drop me off and go alone. Yay..

I'm gonna go...sit.

Love you all. Mwah.

[♥]Paulina

"Close my eyes, let the whole world pass me by"

2004-10-14T23:55:29Z

Why doesn't anyone ever comment anymore?? :[ Makes me sad! Ah well. Wee....

Boring boring day. It seemed sluggish and depressing. It was cold and damp all day today. The sky was gray and seemed to make everyone else gray as well. I loved the way it felt today. Haha, I'm such a freak.

Well, I really did fail the Chemistry test. Fucking sucked.. I failed with a 79? He did some weird grading scale. It supposibly "helped" us, but I don't think it did. Cause according to the chart I failed. Whatever..I saw it coming. I'm so fucking stupid. I try and study, think I'll do alright. And boom, failed. *sigh* Had to go to some college thing in the Auditorium. Pretty boring, but got me worried about things. I'm afraid I won't be able to get any scholar ships with my crappy grades. My parents aren't gonna pay for college and are pressuring me to get a scholar ship. They're gonna kill me when they find out my grades. I guess I'll just have to start busting my ass for grades. Failing really isn't worth it..

Had a sub today in Geometry. Ohh yes, twas awesome. Finished the work pretty quickly and then sat around. Gave Emery a temporary tatoo. A TT!! xDD Yeah, it was this really crappy picture of a guy I drew with black pen. Looked alright though I guess. :P Deron Serenaded to me the rest of the time. It was hilarious. Everything he said was in song and ended with, "And Paulina's so sexy!" and stuff like that. Hahaha, he kills me. Yearbook was pretty fun. Mrs. Mclaughlin was in a rather good mood today. Pondered on more ideas for the autograph page and I finally got when I'm doing. I have to draw it sometime tonight or she'll kill me. Ate a lot of nerds and carrots. Yearbook on a diet!! xDD (inside joke) Oh man, but I accidentally ate an old ice cream bar. It was in Mrs. Mclaughin's fridge, so Rebecca and I decided to eat it. Hahah, man, that was the nastiest thing ever. I took one piece off and ate it. Fucking nasty dude. We ran the bathroom and washed our mouths out. I must've been really old. Never again will I venture into that fridge! xD

Haven't really done anything since I got home. Did a little something for Mrs. "Mac" and made some new icons. I love making icons. It's so fun. :]

I feel really alone right now. Like the feelings I have are for nothing... Should I disregard them? Get rid of them? I think about that sometimes.. I know I won't though. They mean too much to me.

I had a weird dream the other night. Got me a little worried about things... I was at school and I was just walking down the hallway to 4th period. I got down the hall.. Then I heard something drop to the floor. I looked down to see what it was, and my green heart bracelet was lying on the ground next to my feet. I had no idea how it got there.. I bent down to pick it up and then woke up.

It's short and stupid and people may not know what it means...but I do. Ah well, it's just a dream.

Hahahaha, I bet no one know's what the hell I'm talking about. xD Okay enough of that.

I'm gonna go finally. I always seem to ramble in my posts. I need to cut them shorter. Sorry, I actually meant for this one to be short.

Love you all so much. *hugs/kisses*

[♥]Paulina

"Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing....Telling me to give you everything.."

2004-10-13T23:26:47Z

Boring day. Nothing happened. Normal old day.

Chemistry: Learned some crappy thing. Got a lot of homework. Still dreading to find out what I made on my Chemistry test.

English: Took a test. Failed it.. Of course. I studied too. Finished watching that movie and ate some stale hot fries.

Geometry: Did some work. Got my test back. I made a frickin 74. That's horrible.. Oh yeah, I found my notes. Turns out they were in Mrs. Mclaughlin's room. Fucking hell man.. I'm gonna fail all my classes...

Yearbook: Got an exam grade. She told us to tell her what we thought we deserved as a grade in that class. I told her 80 something. I don't really deserve much of anything. She'll probably give me a lower grade, but whatever.. Everyone else said 90 and above and they haven't done jack shit. Jeez, whatever. Still haven't thought of anything to go on the god damn autograph page. I NEED HELP! AHHHHHHHH! I sat there and thought about it the whole time. My brain was going to explode. Sat there and doodled on paper the rest of the time. Got sad again for some odd reason. I think it's just a big combination of everything. I hate it. I wanna be happy and cheery but it's so hard. I'll be alright though. Not that it really matters.

Rode home with Rebecca and we had a possessed car encounter. xD We were sitting in the car and the door started opening and closing by itself. Then this gigantic bug flew in. It was like a bad omen. Hilarious stuff. I laughed my ass off. Got home and sat around for a while. My mom started yelling and bitching at me for no reason. Everytime I say something, it's wrong. I'll say something and she'll just scream, "I wasn't talking to you! This is none of your business! Don't raise your voice at me!! Quit being so bratty Paulina!!" Sometimes I don't even say anything and she yells at me. I'm so sick of her.. Thinking she's the center of everything. All she does is boss people around. Ugh, I just wanna get out... 2 more years baby.. Heh, there she goes screaming again. What a surprise, lol.

My head is killing me..

Hm, I don't really know why I update much anymore. All I do is whine about the same things. I apologize for that.

I hate school so much. It's really killing me. I just suck at it so much now. I'll just try harder though. I just hate being so stressed out. It really gets to me.

Okay the end. No more whining for me. Love you all!

"Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste..

..when all revolves around you."

[♥]Paulina

"You've rendered me so, isolated, so.. motivated I am, certain now that I am...."

2004-10-13T02:57:33Z

Today sorta sucked. I felt depressed and weird all day. For no apparent reason. At least not that I'm aware of.

Chemistry: Learned some new Chemistry thing. It was pretty easy. I got it, but I doubt I'll remember it. Always happens. Just sat around and talked the rest of the time. Doodle in my sketchbook and stuff. My artwork got insulted. You know, it's all good. Heh...

English: Watched that movie 17...something. I forgot the year. It's a musical. It's pretty funny and really lude for a rated G movie. xD It's hilarious. Wrote notes the whole time though. I payed attention but not too much.

Geometry: Started feeling bad the second I walked in that class room. Not Pysically but mentally. I forgot my notebook today and we could use our notes on the exam. Of course, I forget them... Fucking hell. I bombed that test. I couldn't think of anything. Of course I didn't study cause I thought I had my fucking notes with me. That's just my luck. Whatever. I got so upset so easily all day today. Anything and everything seemed to upset me. I almost started crying after the test but I didn't. Hahaha, i'm glad I didn't. Everyone would've thought I was a ninny. I'm always so quick to cry. I hate it.. Sat there the rest of the time after the test and talked. Deron told me some really funny story. I died laughing. He told me something that Chris recently did. Oh man, too funny. xD *laughs*

Yearbook: Didn't do anything. Pretty much just sat there the whole time. Mrs. Mclaughlin didn't really tell me anything to do. I felt ignored almost. So I just sat around the whole time. David got me a gigantic drink from Taco Bell. I couldn't finish it so I gave the rest to Kilo. Hahah, I'm not suppose to feed the band, but whatever. :P Almost started crying a little after that again. I know why either. What am emotional freak I've turned out to be. Emery and David are abusive! I'm gonna beat the shit out of them. xD I was just sitting there and Emery punches me in the leg as hard as he could. xDD I laughed but it freaking hurt! *whines* Then David frickin tackled me into a desk and started tickling me. My back got crushed against the desk and my elbow got smashed. Then him, Emery, AND Brandon all started tickling me. That's just unfair now. 3 against one? I couldn't breathe!!! xDD Beat the shit out of Paulina day! YES!!! Hey, that really should be a holiday. That'd be awesome.. xP

Went home and just hung around on the computer for a while. Did some laundry, showered, and yeah. Got bored when I got out of the shower and parted my hair differently. Looks crappy but whatever. xD

I scanned those pictures I drew. They're not that great but I'll post them. :D

Meeep, it's so big. Oo

If they're too big I'll put them behind a LJ-cut. Sorry to take up so much space. ^^;;

Love you all so much and hope you all sleep well.

Goodnight all. ^_^

[♥]Paulina

"You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now.."

2004-10-12T03:37:49Z

*sigh* I feel so alone right now... I just keep thinking about everything over and over. Everything that's going on, past relationships, how meaningless they were, and how each of them never loved me, what the infamous "love" is really all about and if I'm ever going to find it. I'm just so jealous of everyone else.. Everyone has had at least one meaningful life changing relationship. I mean come on, the longest relationship I've ever been in was 4 months.. It's pathetic. Everyone's like, "1 year anniversary! Yay" "6 months, woo!". I'm such a jealous little girl.. I want to experience all the happiness everyone else has gone or is going through. I mean, gah...I don't even know anymore. I'm gonna shut up.

*sigh* I'm so tired of my mom. She's always making me feel bad and then boosting herself up. Now that she's gotten into this art thingy, she thinks she's better than everyone. I try to show her my pictures and I tell her that I love her and she brushes me off like I'm nothing. Then she asks me how great her stuff is and she's always the priority over everyone else. I'm just sick of it! Ahh! Gosh... Someone needs to kick her the fuck off her high horse.

I've noticed a lot of people have been brushing me aside lately.. No one will really listen to me that much anymore.. Not that they ever have.. Everyone tells me to speak up and be more outspoken, but when I do, it doesn't seem to make a difference. I think that's why I've been so quiet my entire life..

Ahh, I guess I'm just sick of being "that girl who's friends with that girl" or "that chick who dated that guy". No one knows me for me. I've always been linked to someone else... The quiet follower. I just........

*sigh* Maybe I should bring back that quiet lonely part of me..

God, I need to stop being so fucking emo..

Love you all, and disregard this gay post. Just me being an emotional teenager..

[♥]Paulina

"this love's too good to last and I'm too old to dream.."

2004-10-11T22:11:00Z

Ahhhhh, today SUCKED! Exams always seem to kill me slowly from the inside. xD I HATE THEM! Stupid things. Man, I slept really hard last night. When I woke up I felt like my head was glued to the pillow. I didn't want to get up. I get like Garfield when it comes to Mondays.

Chemistry: Bombed the exam soooo badly. Oh man, I should just stop trying in that class. I finally manage to bring my grade up to a C and now it's gonna come crashing down on me, hard. I know for a fact I'm going to have an F on my report card. I hate how they do the grades now. They average both grades together from both 9 weeks. It fucking sucks. So I mean, if I have an F and then I get an A or B next 9 weeks, is there anyway that could pass me? Ugh, I'm so fucked... I'm gonna get kicked out of yearbook.. *tear*

English: The exam actually wasn't that hard. I mean, I say that and I probably failed that one too. Heh, that would be just my luck..

Geometry: Finished our study guide and then did absolutely nothing the rest of the time. I mean, nothing. We just sat there and talked. It was nice to get a break after exams though. Watched Tiger Talk and then the whole class started talking about politics after they brought it up on there. Man afterwards, everyone was bashing Bush and Kerry left and right. I mean I was too. I'm for Kerry, but that's all I'm gonna say. xD

Yearbook: Talked to Mrs. Mclaughlin about the autograph page and told her I changed my mind. Sat around and tried to think of new ideas and then went and walked around with Emery for a little. Lol, he went into the office with Vengaboys playing. I bet him 50 cents to do it. That was too good. The office attendents were all confused and stuff. Kudos to you Emery. xDD Went back to the class room and waited around for the bell to ring.

Rode home with Rebecca and read some of her poems. I gotta finish reading them tonight. They're really good I must say. :D Got home, posted a few things on deivantart, and yeah, got bored. Did this. Ya know.

I have this weird feeling right now... It's like this weird mixed-up feeling. I mean, I'm happy, but I know there's something not there. Like something's missing. I dunno, I'm weird.

Well! That's all I'm gonna write at the moment. Oh by the way, I'm probably going to make my journal friends only soon. I'm sick of people reading my journal that aren't my friends. xD I'll probably post and entry concerning it later. Dunno, we'll see.

Love you guys. ^_^ *hug*

Man, I haven't listened to this band in so long. Japanese rock! WOO!

"Nerd alert!"
_Austin Powers

xP

--------------------------------

don't kid yourself
and don't fool yourself
this love's too good to last
and i'm too old to dream

don't grow up too fast
and don't embrace the past
this life's too good to last
and i'm too young to care

don't kid yourself
and don't fool yourself
this life could be the last
and we're too young to see

_Muse- Blackout

--------------------------------

Good song by the way. Wow, that was really random.

[♥]Paulina

"And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand."

2004-10-11T00:38:24Z

Dude, yesterday was so fucking fun! AHHH! Man, the most fun I've had in a while. At about quarter till 11 I got a call from Sirena asking if I wanted to spend the night at her house. I actually convinced my dad to let me too. I got lucky. :] So Jarred, Sirena and Jim all came and picked me up. I had to squish in the back of Jarred's truck with Jim. Sorry if I had cooties Jim. Jeez, he wanted his "space" or some crap like that. I'm not that annoying! Went to Jarred's house to pick up some stuff for Sirena and saw Kilo there. Talked to him and Jim while Sirena got her stuff. Then we all piled in the truck. Haha, poor Kilo and Jim. They had to sit in the back together. xD Got to Sirena's house and we devised a plan to meet them at the pier a little bit later. So we went inside and waited for her dad to go to bed. He finally did and then we snuck out! Rebels with no cause at all! xDD So we tip-toed through the house and then hauled ass once we got outside. Walked all the way down the pier looking for them. And sure enough, they were at the very end goofing off. Once we got down there it started pouring down rain and the wind started to pick up. IT WAS SO AWESOME! I was freezing my ass off hiding behind a poll, soaking wet. I love it. xD Kept waiting for the rain to die down, but Jarred, Sirena, and Jim couldn't wait. So they darted down the pier. It stopped right when they were about half way there. Kilo and I walked back. I wasn't about to run in wet pants and flip flops. I would've busted my ass in a second. Talked about all the stuff that's going on and such. Then he tried to throw me in the water, twice! Jesus man. xD Met up with them at the end and we all stood underneath the little bathroom over-hang. The wind was still going nuts though. That was probably the worst part. So we goofed off under there for a while. Jarred displayed his nifty hair styles and made a lot of loud noise. While Kilo showered "holy water" all over us. xD Ahh, they're so special, lol. Flocked from the bathroom to the beach down below. Cause there were horny drunk people and cops. So we had to move. Talked about sleeping in class and different sounding sneezes. xD Hey, it was 1 in the morning. Retarded topics are a must. :D Jarred couldn't really pay attention so he started chasing birds for no reason. Wow, what a smart kid. At about 1:45 we decided to leave. We didn't want to get in too much trouble. So we all walked back to his truck and he dropped us off at the corner, so her parents wouldn't hear the car. Snuck back inside and didn't get caught. WOOO! We're so awesome!!!! xDDD Hahaha, I'm such a little girl. It was awesome though! Sneaking out is great. Just as long as you don't get caught. ^^; REBEL!! Hah, not! xD

Okay well yeah, that was Sirena and I's big Saturday night adventure. xD But yeah, it was so much fun! Thank you for your bad influence Sirena! I love you!!! xDDD We didn't go to bed until like 3 I think. I don't really remember. The rain put me to sleep eventually. Sirena and I talked in our sleep all night. She even said we had a conversation in our sleep. Cause she woke up like half way through. I swear! Everytime I spend the night with her I talk in my sleep. It's hilarious. I had a lot of weird dreams. I say a lot because I had about 6 of them. The last one scared me though. In the dream I was sitting in my living room and a big hornet came buzzing around my head. So I grabbed the Raid and tried to kill it. But then it like morphed into a big black bulldog. It growled at me and jumped at my throat. I could feel it's teeth and I couldn't breathe. Then I woke up. It scared the shit out of me. I didn't really go back to sleep after that.

Today we really didn't do much. We kinda just sat around, ate, and checked journals. I had to go home kind of early because she and Jarred are going to buy a halloween costume with her parents. Have fun! :D

Got home, shaved, and listened to music. And here I am. Bored out of my mind. Just thinking about stuff.

For some reason.. I can't stop thinking about homecoming. It just popped in my mind while I was at Sirena's house.. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know why...

Okay, well, sorry for this long retarded entry you guys. ^^; I love you all sooo much and hope your weekend has been as awesome as mine. xD

I hate my cable!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! xD

*hugs and kisses everybody* ;D

[♥]Paulina

"Quiet screams, but I refuse to listen.."

2004-10-10T01:15:39Z

Well, today was a very lazy day. It rained all day. It was so great. I wanted to go frolic out in the rain, but I didn't have anyone to frolic with. Lol. So I just sat inside all day. It was rather enjoyable though. I listened to music and drew more doodles. They're really weird. I might scan them and post them up here later. I like how they turned out though. My little crappy bic pen is my best friend now. xD Screw pencils. They suck. Weee, pens!

Man, my cable was broken all day today. It sucked! I wanted to get on so badly. It just now came back on. Crappy cable company. Everytime it rains like this it goes out. HAH! It just went out!! See that! Now I'll have to wait to post this. xDD

Ohhhkay, now it's back! YAY! *jumps around*

Anyway, yeah, that's all I really did today. I wanted to do something, but that's obviously not going to happen. I hope everyone else had an enjoyable Saturday though. ^^

Rain is so great....

I love you all so much and I'm always here for anyone.

[♥]Paulina

man..

2004-10-10T01:06:47Z

I have a feeling I'm going to be accused for something I didn't do..

*sigh* of course, I'm blamed...

[♥]Paulina

"I don't care if you don't..."

2004-10-09T16:52:41Z

I'm so fucking pissed right now. I want to bitch someone out so badly right now.

I would too..

Fucking hell.

I hate being mad. It's probably worse being mad and holding it in at the same time though. I don't want to be mad, but I just can't help it.

Fuck, I need to meet new people. I need a change in pace.

FUCK!

[♥]Paulina

P.S.- Ahh, the joys of the 'F' word. *pets its*

"I'll turn around and pick up the pieces."

2004-10-09T05:22:36Z

Eeeeeeeeee, tonight was so fun! It was awesome! I got to hang out with Sirena and Jarred. Ahh, they're so awesome. Nelly and Besie!!! Gotta love them. :D

We all went to go see shark tale. I was so hyper the entire time. I LOVE BEING HYPER! AHHHHHH! Anyway, yeah we saw that. We also saw Brandi and Micheal there too. A little surprise. ;D The movie was pretty good. I was pretty much just fixated with the pretty colors and sparklies though. Twas good though. My little brother will probably get it and watch it over and over again anyway. After that we headed on over to Wal-Mart. Woo! Nothing like Wal-Mart at 11 at night. Sooo gooood! Walked around, looked at toys, and halloween costumes. Then headed over to the clothes and Sirena bought me some pants. She had seen them before and thought of me. She's so sweet! I luff you sweetie! They're awesome. They're black with a green stripe down the side, with the green care bear on the front, and "feeling lucky" on the butt. xD TOO COOL MAN! Lol. They're stretchy sleep pants. Awesome awesome. Sirena got the ones with Garfield on them. They're awesome as well. We're gonna pimp out those pants so hard. Wandered around the other clothes sections. Got distracted by boxers and more sleep pants. xD Got some candy, wee!! I got two nerds ropes. Mmm, so good! That's probably why I'm so insanely hyper right now. Shared mine with Jarred since the butt didn't get any candy of his own. Sirena got a really yummy ring pop too. Raspberry lemonade I think it was. Really good stuff. Especially after Sirena and Jarred both licked it. xD Spit! Yay! Dropped me off at my boring house, which is dead quiet right now, and decided to write this because I'm hyper and bored. WoooOOooo!! Sorry, I know you all are probably like "wtf was she on when she wrote this??". But yeah, I'm hyper and I love it. I want to do something tomorrow too. Maybe I'll call people and bother them tomorrow. I don't want to be annoying though. I hate when I ask people if they want to do anything and they're already busy. Tis the suckage. Anyway yeah, that was my night.

Ugh, it really annoys me when people say something, say they won't tell you what they mean, and then give hints to make it so obvious. It's just like, wtf? Why won't they just say it then?! I mean they already made it plainly obvious anyway. It's just like saying it straight out in the first place. So pointless and childish. Argh.... I may just be jealous/upset though. Whatever... I'm not gonna say I don't care anymore, but I'm gonna try not too.. It just hurts I guess.. I'm just tired of this shit..

Hmm, I feel like hanging out with guys right now. I wish my brother still lived here. Man I hung out with him and his friends so much. It was so fun. We use to sneak out at 3 in the morning, go to wal-mart, buy candy and jugs of water, and go to an empty lot and just lie there. We'd just talk and look at the stars all night long.. It was so fun. I miss those days.. My brother and I are closer than we've ever been emotionally, but not physically. Because he lives so far away. Once I get my license I'll probably go to his apartment though anyway. He lives in New Orleans. Dude, he said I was in his band. I'm the artist for the band so I'm unofficially in it. Hell yes baby. xD

Anyway, I'll shut up. I feel like talking to someone all night. I just wanna go to the beach with someone and just...talk. That would be so great right now. Wishful thinking though. That's all I ever do is wish. I need to stop making empty wishes that will never come true...

Someone hit me.. I'm so hopeless.

Love you all so much!!! *tackles and hugs* <---hehe I love that!

[♥]Paulina

digital_tea @ 2004-10-08T16:24:00

2004-10-08T21:53:59Z

Today went by pretty fast. School always seems to go by so fast when it's raining. I love the rain so much. I want to go out and do something tonight. I'm so bored.

Chemistry: Studied for exam. Did equation shit.

English: Exam stuff as well.

Geometry: Same goes for this too.

Yearbook: Sat around and ate chocolate. Lol, that's pretty much it.

I had a really weird dream last night. Ugh, my dreams always make me feel alone. It's always me when I'm older with a certain someone. And we seem so happy together.. *sigh* Only in my dreams right...

I'M SO BORED! I want to go see a movie or something. I dunno. Or just go hang out. Hmm, I doubt I will though. *tear*

I feel so lonely. I see all the couples in the hall ways and I hear everyone talk about how much they love eachother. I just miss the touch of another. Just someone you could just hold all night long and never let go. Hmm, oh well. I'm just gonna be patient and wait. Good things come to those who wait. :] I'm glad everyone else's relationships are going well though. ^^ Everybody is soo adorable! :D

Well, I'm gonna go. Love you all and enjoy your weekend off! :D

[♥]Paulina

"Wanted to belong here, but something felt so wrong here.."

2004-10-08T02:51:13Z

Today was normal and uneventful like everyother day is. Not much happened I don't think. Wow, I say that a lot.

Chemistry: Studied for the exam. Damn, it's gonna be so hard. I need to study though. I can't afford to fail it. If I do, there's no way in hell I'll be able to bring my grade up. Wow, I actually might fail this class. How wonderful...

Break: Ran over to Mrs. Mclaughlin's room to do the class favorite thing. I didn't really do anything. Just sorta sat there and watched everybody come in and out. I pretty much just zoned out. Ahh, I was so tired.

English: Read some crappy letter from some chick that lived back in the day. Discussed stuff with Sirena most of the time though. So much stuff is going on right now. It's nuts. I didn't think Jim and Heather would break up. I mean, I always thought she was sorta mean to him, but I just can't see them apart now. Oo It's really crazy how that is. I dunno, it's weird.

Geometry: Did a study guide for the test. That took up all of the time.

Yearbook: Did a wide aray of things today. Got in class and then started looking for pictures on the computer. I need some references for the autograph page. I dunno if I'm still gonna do what I planned though. It might just bother and piss people off. Lol, I'll just ask Mrs. Mclaughlin tomorrow. Finished doing that and then wandered around the school with Rebecca for a little while. Went back to class and I don't think we did much the rest of the time. Hmm, I can't remember. We just sorta sat there and stuff. Yeep. Boring. Rode home with Rebecca and then did laundry when I got home. My dad has been bitching about it for a week. So I finally did it. I procrastinate way too much. xD Copied everybody's CDs for them, finally! Took like 2 hours. Didn't really bother me though. Cause I actually sat down and drew a picture in that time. I broke out my Linkin Park CDs too. I don't care what anyone says, but Reanimation is a really good CD. I've always liked it. It's just cool. And I absolutely love My December. My god...what a good song. :D Finished doing the pictures and my dad actually scanned them for me. Wee, yay. So you guys get to see my little crappy ball-point pen drawings. xD

I think I figured out what my costume is going to be for halloween. I'm gonna be a pirate! MWAHA! Pirate's are awesome. I might put a little mix on it and make it a kitty pirate though. Yay for crappy originality!! Lol, yeah. I still gotta find some pants for the outfit and maybe a different shirt. I got an eyepatch though. My friend said she had an extra because she's being a pirate too. Yay! But if my pirate outfit falls through, I'm just gonna be some goth vampire chick. I have a long black dress that I could do whatever with. I might do that. I don't really know. Ahh, oh well. It's a while away.

I've really missed hanging out with everybody lately. I saw Kilo in the hall today after third and he talked about how we never hang out anymore again. He was like, "Yeah, you really need to hang out with Sirena and Jarred more. Cause we never hang out anymore." I never really knew people actually wanted to hang out with me, lol. Man the song "When September Ends" by Green Day brings back so many memories. I really do miss summer... Just those lazy days that I spent with everyone.. Always out doing stuff with people and I was so happy. I remember telling my mom almost everyday how much I loved my life.. It's funny, I don't say that anymore.. I seem to have grown apart from everyone, but at the same time grown closer to others. It's odd how things in your life can shift so quickly. So I guess all you really can do is live in the moment and cherish the memories you have.. I know I always will. Oh well, I'm doing okay in my life right now. I just want to find happiness. But I'm sick of people telling me "you're only 15 though and you have your whole life ahead of you". I know that, but wouldn't it be nice if you could find it early? Lol, okay I gotta shut up. Why do I even write in this thing? xD No one ever reads it. xB

Oh yeah, here are the pictures I drew today. They aren't that great but I like them.

I'm really sorry for the long meaningless entry today. Bah, I take up too much room on everybody's friend's page. xD So sorry!! *snuggle*

Love you all so much. :]

[♥]Paulina

"Before I knew it, this dream was all gone..."

2004-10-06T21:03:24Z

I walk a lonely road
The only one I that have ever known
Don't know were it goes
But its home and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I'll walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And were I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and every thing's alright
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I'll walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Blvd. of broken dreams
Were the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I'll walk alone

__Green Day- Boulevard of Broken Dreams <---[Awesome song by the way]

I fucking give up. Fuck love.. Fuck relationships..

No point anymore. I'm so aggravated with everything...

[♥]Paulina

"So if you're lonely, you know I'm hear waiting for you."

2004-10-05T21:42:01Z

Well, my week, so far, hasn't been to eventful. I have been in a really good mood though. Which is really good for me. :]

Yesterday I didn't do all that much. Just school work and stuff. I finally presented my project in English and I'm passing now. YAY!! Mrs. Mclaughlin walked me over to Mrs. Drummond's room during 4th and threatened me. xD She said if I didn't pull it up I'd get kicked off the yearbook staff. So yeah, I don't want that to happen. So I gotta pull all my grades up. Waaaay up. So I did my little Pocahontas project for her and she didn't take any points off either. I can tell she likes me. It was nuts, she started complimenting me and stuff. She was like, "Paulina you are so cute. I bet all the boys are just dying to be with you. Everyone must think you're the best thing around." And she went on and on. I was stunned that she thought so highly of me. It made me feel a bit better about myself. Even though it's so untrue. xD Oh yeah lemme tell ya, I'm the biggest catch! That's why I'm so single! Lol. Hilarious. xD Anyway yeah, that happened. Went home and did a whole lot of nothing. Did some homework, chores, hung out with my parents, la de da. You know.

Today was just as boring as yesterday. I actually slept fairly well last night though. It was great. I actually woke up refreshed and I'm not tired. This is the first time I've slept well since that thing happened.

Did some weird lab in chemistry. Fairly easy and stupid. Read some crap in 2nd. It's was pretty relaxed today since no one was there. Listened to Mr. Rutledge gripe and yell in 3rd. Ohh what fun.

4th was cool. I finally got the layout done for the autograph page. Oh man, it's gonna be awesome. I gotta draw it out tonight. I gotta draw the whole thing by hand. It's gonna take a while but I'll be able to do it. :D David got me a gigantic coke and I practically drank the whole thing. I'M SO HYPER! AHHHH! *runs around* Sat around and looked through pictures the rest of the time. Rode home with Rebecca since my ride bailed. We looked at clothes and stuff. I need to get an awesome hoodie. Man, I would overwear that thing so much. I have one but it's crappy and gray. It fits good though. It's from my old school, where they actually sold hoodies and stuff for everyone. That you could wear all the time. I'm sorta getting tired of all the god damn rules we have at Bay High. So dumb. Ah, excuse me, I'm rambling. xD

I felt a little lonely this morning in 1st. Everyone was talking about their boyfriends and such. Then Courtenay started talking about Luca. I felt alone for a bit, but it soon passed. I don't miss him, I just miss....I dunno. Having someone to go to. It's always nice to know someone's there and will always be there for you. He wasn't always there, but I mean, I just wish I had someone. Sometimes I just feel alone I suppose. God, that made no sense. Hah, oh well. I think you guys get my drift. Oh well, I'll be alright. Considering, I'm doing pretty good being single. The last couple weeks were rocky and confusing but I think I finally got a handle on things. Right now, I'm up for anything. Being single, being taken, anything. I'm just gonna go with the flow and see what happens. I just won't get in too deep with anything. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. Things take time and I'm up for taking that time and waiting for that someone. My feelings haven't changed at all. They've probably grown stronger.. Ah, I'm sorry. I'll be quiet. xD I talk about meaningless shit way too much. I'm such a loser. xDD I love it!

Okay, well I'll spare you all and stop writing. I love you all sooo much!! *snuggles and licks* xD KITTY!

I need help, lmao. xD

[♥]Paulina